Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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