Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
