Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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