38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
