batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
