I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
