I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
