If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
