I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
