I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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