Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
