he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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