We named our party play list daddy issues
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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