You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
