look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
