Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
