epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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