some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
