how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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