Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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