After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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