More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
