I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
