that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
