pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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