would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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