Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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