cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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