if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
