I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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