Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
