Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
