I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ok first of all what the fuck
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
