So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
