He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
