I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
