Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
