Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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