Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
