I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
