My hand turned me down
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
