Where is the hickey?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
