saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
