i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
