The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think i peed on brittanys purse
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
