She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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