Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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