my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
