Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
