I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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