Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
