Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
