Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
