i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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