You work out of a Hotel?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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