This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Michael Bay diarrhea
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
