forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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