Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
