FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
