i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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