Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
