Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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