im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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