she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There are leaves in my underwear?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
