wakey wakey hands off snakey
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
