oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
