Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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