i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
