Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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