i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
