i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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