I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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