I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We need to rekindle our bromance
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
