well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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