He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize